Spiritual battle is a very real thing.

Oh great technological Pontiffs!

My Surface, the brainchild of Satan and Mr. Gates, is refusing (most vehemently) to connect to the SumOfAllHumanKnowledgeNet. Such knowledge is needed, as the Surface is woefully inept in many respects – too many to name here in a simple request for connection – but there’s a phrase in the South we use, “it’s a good thing she’s pretty” that can apply to the Demon Seed Tablet.

As Rick, exorciser of Computer Imps, has already attempted to rectify the situation, there’s no need to assign another priest, er, tech to my ticket.

@Rick … the connection fiend has disappeared; however, there’s one other malignant spirit lingering inside the vile machine: Microsoft’s battle against Google is playing out in the Chrome browser. Every attempt to bring up Chrome cries, “Class not registered!" despite uninstalling and reinstalling Chrome. Shall I create another ticket?
​
Sincerely and in benevolent appreciation,
Claire

The sacrifice of little-used office supplies was always my go-to for incurring favor. Small insects next were offered, and if my issue warranted it, sometimes my firstborn.

Dear god of security Rick,

I have unknowingly VIOLATED our content edicts, as written by the Great One, Symantec.
However, these files are necessary to me in my pursuit of customer success, and you know what our intrepid CEO says ... Customers First. Always. (lemme wipe my nose off here ...)

Can you, in your omnipotence, release the files so I may use them to please the seething masses who pay for our company lifestyle of beer and happiness?

I am willing to sacrifice an empty toner cartridge of Holy Magenta (HM) to the Chupacabra of IT if you can do said task.

Yours in humility,
Claire Taylor

-A little use of my political science degree seemed in order.

Dear Helpdesk Ones,
​
A dongle on my laptop cradle is leading the revolution in stopping my productivity. Like its anarchist forefathers, it’s encouraging my wireless mouse and keyboard to lay down their tools and stop working for the Man. Though I am (quite obviously) not a man, my peripherals seem to care not and are following the dictates of the politically-charged dongle quite closely.

I have relocated the dongle to other ports, in hopes of getting it to see the light of productivity, but alas, it continues to defy me.

I have turned both the keyboard and mouse on and off, but even that doesn’t cause them to bend to my will.

Please send a strike-buster to me to reconcile or beat my minions into submission.

Sincerely,
Claire Taylor