Phone Phustrations

My coworkers, though patient, usually had a limit.

Dear Righters of Wrongs, Princes of Patience, and overall Helpful Handymen,

(I apologize in advance for my angst. This latest escapade has cumulated all of my technological frustrations of the past two months to the point that I am hiding under my desk, quietly bemoaning my cursed state.)

My recalcitrant antiquated Nortel phone of dubious parentage will only allow speakerphone calls. I’ve checked its myriad of wires, restarted the phone, sang a dozen psalms of praise, sacrificed a mutant carrot, and stabbed at the “Headset” button repeatedly in an attempt to USE the (probably French) headset.

Please help. My cohorts are weary of my carping, so I turn to you, o kind ones.
​
Claire Taylor